Just a number

I've often said that I'm a 17 year old trapped in the body of a 40-something woman. Or sometimes it's 22, depending on if I need an ID to drink or get into a bar or buy porn. I've, on occasion, felt like I've reached a certain age that whatever I want to wear/do/see/be isn't appropriate for the number on my driver's license.

I remember shopping one time and seeing some trendy frock and thinking, crap, I can't wear that anymore. But as I get older I realize that most of that kind of thinking is just bullshit. Well, within reason. If I left the house wearing a onesie with glitter lipstick I'd look like a mental patient but for the most part getting older gives you the right to do what you want when you want without having to apologize for it. And if anyone gives you crap about the decisions you make for yourself that don't interfere with anyone else, yourself, or the law than I say go for it! I might make fun of you but who cares!

I still love stuffed animals. I have to stop myself from buying every cute plush thing I see because frankly I don't have the room but sometimes I splurge and why not? Who cares if I have a 4 foot dolphin on the bed? (I will get that someday, I will.) I like toys. 99% of time I buy a happy meal because of the goodie that comes with it. (Ironic that the one I purchased yesterday came with the hippo from Madagascar 2, no?)

I like to step on dried up leaves to hear them crunch under my feet. I covet wee little purses and own several yummy smelling lip glosses from Bonnie Bell. I think farting is hysterical. My adoration for crappy pop music is legendary (I'm downloading the new Mylie Cyrus song right now) and my idea of a good time is playing games until I win them all.

I want a gumball machine in my house and the best present I got for my birthday was a giant lava lamp. I don a tiara any chance I can get, wear my hair in pigtails, paint my toes bright blue, and buy magazines mostly for the pictures. I have a life-long love affair with Snoopy. I wouldn't say no to drinking a cocktail with a curly straw. My dream is to having an entire wall in my kitchen covered in chalkboard paint.

My parents think I'm mostly silly, but silly is fun! I don't ever want to stop being silly. I will never stop being silly. Life is too short not to be silly. And I'm sure Jenny Joseph agrees with me, although I'm wearing purple now.


When I am Old I will wear Purple!
When I am an old woman,
I shall wear purple - -
With a red hat which doesn't go,
and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves and satin sandals,
And say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
and gobble up samples in shops
and press alarm bells
and run with my stick along public railings,
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick flowers in other people's gardens
and learn to spit!
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
and eat three pounds of sausages at ago,
or only bread and pickles for a week,
and hoard pens and pencils
and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
and pay our rent
and not swear in the street,
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner
and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know meare not too shocked and surprised
when suddenly I am old,
And start to wear purple!

--Jenny Joseph