Monday, November 03, 2008

Eff you, Hershey

I love Halloween. I've often said it's my favorite holiday but I don't think that's true any more. For a long time I hated, nay, rejected with a pissy passion, Christmas, but now I'm fuckall crazy about it again. (I don't even mind that little plastic mangers are jammed up against the skeleton candles on store shelves but Christmas music playing within hours of stumbling home from the party where you drank too many booberry martini's and flirted with Darth Vader? Really? Just, no.)

And since the boy and I started our super rockstar kickass tradition of finding each other the most hideously awesome Valentine's Day gifts for 10 dollars or under that holiday fights for one of the best but I will admit, there's still something super fun about Halloween and it just might have something to do with the candy.

I mean, I know I'm an adult and I can buy anything I want at any time but feasting on fun size Snickers for breakfast and pawing through the candy bowl inbetween tricker treaters to snag a coveted 100 Grand bar (screw that little Velma, she can have the Twix) it's just somehow more fun.

Until now.

Christ on a sugar cookie am I candied out. I don't even want to think about chewy caramel or tasty chocolate or the thought of picking remnants of Skor out of my teeth. I don't want to hear the crinkle of a wrapper or imagine the pop of a Crunch bar or contemplate the goodness of a Peanut Butter Cup melting on my tongue.

I want to brush my teeth for a year, eat vegetables and take a walk instead of finishing off the potof hot fudge, for gawd's sake. I OD'd. And how. So no more spending the day licking the sweet bits of cocoa from the corners of my mouth. Walk past the co-worker's desk with the full jar beckoning. DON'T BE WEAK TO THE SWEETS!

Ironic that my dentist's office called me today to set up an appointment for my overdue cleaning. I'm just praying I don't have 14 cavities because after all the sugary confections I've consumed in the last week I won't be surprised if half my teeth fall out before next Monday.

Now excuse me while I go spend the next 3 months on the treadmill.

1 comment:

Avalon said...

Pfffffft. I could easily ignore almost all holidays. My kid, however, has LOVED Halloween since babyhood.

And she doesn't eat candy.

I know. I've tried my best. She's weird.