The good, the bad, the wet.

What have I done to deserve a man who takes my breath away? What good deeds have I performed to award me with a human being so incredible that that I feel a part of me is missing when he's away? What karmic favor have I earned? And when will I believe it's all real?

I've been searching for a direction to turn since my eyes welled and my throat closed as we pulled into the airport parking lot last night. Time came to a stop and my feet were stuck in quicksand. There was absolutely nothing on my 800 channel cable TV and I didn't even bother trying open a book. I knew the words would melt off the page and drip onto my lap as I gave in to futility.

This is not something I expected to feel.

Nary a distraction to fill the empty space and cure my gloomy tunnel vision. Or the lonely spot on the couch. The one he'd occupied for 3 short days that lasted a second. Where he rested his hand on my thigh and put his arm around my shoulders while I drifted to sleep resting on his chest. Where we laughed at zombies and both got Garden State. Knowing how the story fit into each of our lives without having to discuss it.

But this is going in a much too sad direction and that is not my intention. Such is a state of melancholy.

I spent the week getting ready for his arrival. Making sure the house was pristine, the bed was inviting and the fridge was filled with provisions. Mainly cheese and booze, since thank the lord above, he eats like my kind of trashcan. I'm a meat and potatoes girl and crave a good french fry and blessed be, the man I love does the same. And can he cook! Best fucking breakfast I've ever had babe.

He wasn't getting in until late on Thursday which afforded me some time to get myself fluffed and buffed. In my impatient anticipation, I got to the airport about 45 minutes early. And fuck it if that stupid airline hadn't delayed almost every flight. I waited for 29 years and finally, at about 11:15 I was fairly sure his plane had finally landed.

The butterflies in my stomach were the size of kittens and I waited for another 10 years to see if I could spot him. Finally, finally, I saw his shaved head bobbing above the other passengers and I think I ran over a small child and and old man in a wheelchair to bound into his arms. He planted his lips on mine before we'd made ample eye contact. -cue cheesy music- Like two magnets drawn together with love. You may all barf now.

Fast forward to Friday (you dirty birds don't get ALL the details), and we woke, very late, to grey skies and predicted rain. In short order, the heavens spilled forth and we decided to stay in for the day. After the amazing meal he cooked, we were properly sated, and spent the day watching movies, snuggling and snogging. It was a perfect end to a rocky year. My very favorite kind of day spent with the only person I wanted to spend it with.

My normally skiddish-to-strangers cats postively swooned the minute he walked in the door. Within a short time his lap was occupied and pleas of attention were being cried his way, and not just by me. I was subseqently ignored by my little girls. Turned into the lowly food source and tolerated lump on the bed. That man got more pussy than he could hope for. Sluts.

Later on Friday night, we ordered in a pizza and cracked open some drinks. Midnight was celebrated with a sleepy kiss and heartfelt "I love you's". No craziness, no obnoxious drunks, no stupid "count-down" shows. Just the two of us safe in my cozy house holding each other. The holiday I usually despise slipped past with zero fanfare but much fondness. Perfect.

Saturday we managed to pull ourselves away from the bedroom and the now bright blue skies invited us to go out and play. He had requested a trip to Sea World for his first visit to San Diego and little did he know, that was the best thing he could have chosen. Despite my mixed feelings regarding zoo's and such, the animal lover in me is greedy to be as close as possible to marine mammals and (certain) fish. I'm a SCUBA diver and have a passion for the sea, whales in particular.

The park looked crowded upon first inspection, but we found it to be a mirage at the gates. We had a fantastic time. We were rarely in a crowd and got to pet dolphins and stingrays (after some coaxing from me ya sissy and don't be mad I said that cause I was the only one who got splashed by the fucker who soaked my entire right side). And we both got the ass-squenching heebie-jeebies looking at the Moray Eels. Those things really do look like zombies. And I know that big one was giving me the death eye.

I held his hand tight as we went through the shark exhibit and he didn't roll his eyes when I choked up over the brand-new baby Orca. Spending the day with someone who loves animals like I do was an extra bonus. And I got to take him home and fuck his brains out!

The closer it came to our impending separation, the more our bodies seem to be touching. I don't remember many moments when some part of my anatomy wasn't against his. Conversation flowed easily as did laughter, and silence was never awkward. I keep imagining the softness of the back of his hands and the curve of his neck that my lips craved to kiss.

We'd planned to take a drive before he had to be deposited back at the airport, but never left the house. Other matters were more pressing. But alas, we had to leave, but not after some mind-blowing frolicking. God damn. That's all I can say.

We got to security at the last possible minute and embraced with sad insolence, knowing that we were being forced to say, "see you soon". And I seriously hope he didn't see me almost eat complete shit as I turned to quickly walk back to my car and tripped over some retard hauling 10 rolling suitcases passing right behind me. I bashed my knee but good and that was a fitting physical pain to match what my heart was feeling.

And now, as I try to pretend that March isn't that far away, and my daily fucking grind is actually necessary, I'll be able to experience a moment of satisfaction thinking about this beautiful weekend and this awe-inspiring man. I love you.

And baby, my crouch misses you.