Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Caveat

I just wanted to clarify a couple of things for anyone who's reading this mental purging. I don't expect anyone to keep track of the timeline, and it's certainly not my intention to trick anyone, but I'm recounting my experiences dealing with cancer that have taken place in the last 18 months. I'm not freshly diagnosed, but I'm sincerely grateful for your concern and kind words.

I've fumbled my way through this hellish journey like a cat on a unicycle, which I'm sure most cancer patients do, trying to figure out how the fuck to cope. I've made many mistakes in that arena and came to the conclusion that it was time for some pre-Spring cleaning of my brain. I don't want to be a premature postjaculator and give everything away now, so stay tuned if you wish, but know that most of the time I'm doing O.K., and the cancer is "undetectable" at the moment.

What I've been through I wouldn't wish on anyone, and I still have my moments of overwhelming fear, continuing to learn how the hell to manage the mental and physical fallout the cancer has caused. However, there are lights at the end of the tunnels. I'm not a full-time whack job and I don't spend the majority of my time wallowing. And I would never look for pity from anyone. Only understanding. The very best thing now is, I'm very much in love with an incredible man. A bonus I had no idea would bless my world.

I also don't intend to be a broken record, replaying all of this until people want to slap me and pull their hair out. There is still a huge amount of humor and fun in my life, and for that matter, a lot of life to live. And I intend to live it. I just need to stop this cycle of thought rumination, or at least slow it down to a manageable speed. It won't ever be over, but the art of putting everything into perspective takes time. So thank you for sticking with me and giving me your feedback. And perhaps learning something along the way. I really appreciate it.

Betty

6 comments:

Bloomin' Onionhead said...

BB, no pity here, only admiration...oh, and whoever this love of your life guy is, he must have a plethora of reasons to be with you...and you can tell him i said that....props & peace!!! BOH

whitey said...

BOH...as Mama was so fond of saying..."You're cruisin' for a bruisin'." She would also threaten to rip my lips off, but that's a little intimate for me.

Jack the blogger said...

If It's alright with you I'll stay tuned.

Lisa said...

I have read it all...and I suck at saying supportive cool things. :) so...you rock, and keep rocking, cuz you're kicking its ass. that would have been very scary, indeed. I imagine writing all this out will do wonders for your soul...

Becka said...

Take your time. We'll be here :)

Special K said...

If we lived in the same neck of the woods, I'd totally abduct you for a weekend of boozin', foodin', coddlin', and most importantly, no thinkin'.

Keep the faith, girl. You're gonna be fine.