Too much

What's with all the scrolling message thingies at the bottom of every other channel on the TV?

Need I be so multi-stimulated when I'm trying to do my best impersonation of a leafy green vegetable sitting in front of the idiot box wanting nothing more than to be entertained with fabulous reality TV shows and The Office? Must I tax my (floatie crammed) eyeballs trying to read teeny tiny writing whizzing across the bottom of my screen that's already sitting 8 feet away from me? Is it imperative that while I'm watching a smug kitty get the living crap beat out of them by a turtle that I need to know that Paris Hilton's latest chancre was drained and treated with antibiotics?

I think not!

They're popping up everywhere. News channels, talk shows, infomercials even. It's craziness! We're totally inundated with stimuli as it is, I don't need 400 bits of info on the screen to decipher. By 6:00 my brain is nearly full and this won't leave me any room to comprehend and make fun of the creepy pawing cheesy-beyond-belief lame lecherous but may be gay Bachelor. It's too much.

You know where a message board would be handy, though? On the bumper of my car. That way I could let every retard on the road know I hate them and fuck off please when they've nearly sent me off a cliff from not paying attention while texting a resume to the local McDonald's or drifted into my lane because the driver is getting a hummer from his girlfriend, which normally I would forgive because alright, get some, but you know that dumb girl is no good at it.

Or better yet, I want one strapped to my ass and hard wired into my brain so my every brilliantly witty thought and spot-on fashion advice would be shared with the world. I'm sure that would be very appreciated.