Friday, July 22, 2005

Burned again

One great thing about having a blog is that I get to say whatever the fuck I want to and no one can do a damn thing about it. I can't be shunned. I can't be shamed. I can't be banned. This is my kingdom and I wear the crown. It's shiny.

Having a personal space to vent your feelings and thoughts is so important because we all encounter situations in our lives where we don't have the opportunity to speak our minds, defend ourselves, or give personal sides to the story. We can't tell the boss that he's an idiot. We can't scream at the lumbering old lady in front you in the grocery store to hurry up. Well, we could but it might not go over so well.

I've experienced a situation this week that reminds me of what's important in life, makes me appreciate my true friends, and most of all, reminds me that the world is populated with fucking lunatic assholes who spew mostly bullshit from their gaping holes and feed on hypocrisy like the fat kid in a candy store. But what do I know? I'm vitriolic and unhappy.

One thing that drives me more batshit crazy than most others, and we all know that's a long fucking list, is being accused of something I haven't done. This started at a very early age when I was pinpointed as a criminal the first day of kindergarten and it was really the stupid kidwith the eyepatch and snotty nose next to me. Long running trauma here. I tend to go right from a questioning posture to exploding in a campaigning frenzy of my own defense. And if that doesn't work, out come my claws. They are sharp and skillful.

And really, is that so different than anyone else?? I think not. I am human just like everyone else. I have feelings. I'm more sensitive than most and I will fully admit that I don't always have a tight grip on my emotions. But I'm willing to apologize if I get nutty. I am a good person who cares about people and would give someone the shirt off my back, except my new black one that I haven't worn yet that gives me some slammin' cleavage.

What I'm not willing to do is eat a giant shit sandwich that's being force-fed down my gullet. I will not keep quiet when blind-sided with accusations that are untrue and actions against me that are unfair and unwarranted. You slap my face with an open hand while I was minding my own business and you'll lose some teeth for your trouble. You poke me in the eye and you'll get bloody. You call me a jerk and I'll call your mother a filthy whore. That's how it works for me, and most everyone else. At least I admit to it. And I'll do it right to your face, not safely behind your friend's big brother's cousin's back.

I don't call someone a friend on a whim. I don't care about someone with a half-hearted effort. I don't share myself without risk. It's a gift when someone gives of themselves and it's an act of fucking evil when you promise someone a haven of protection, to assure them a safe place to vent, to share their private lives and personal struggles then spit in their face after they speak. Tell me your problems, my god you're so negative.

No one likes to be judged with only a speck of information. It's dangerous and dumb. And I will not bother with you ever again if I haven't been given the benefit of at least minimal communication.

When someone has chosen to block all access to your voice you will find another ear.

So, for those of you who have claimed friendship, go around crying that there's two sides to every story, then join one camp without giving the other side the benefit of laying their cards on the table, you can go fuck yourselves. It's a sad irony that some people spew this kind of injustice about like a fire hose but don't put into practicality. And they certainly don't apply this fairplay to anyone but themselves, or when it serves their own purposes, or when they're blindly jammed up a false idols asscrack.

I did nothing. I said nothing. I started nothing. I deserved none of it. I've read everything you've said. Ahhh, hypocrisy in its finest form.

"That bitch is so mean."

Get it now assholes??

What a joke.

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