Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Whew - dodged another bullet


Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who sent good vibes and left comments yesterday. They worked! (So far. You know I'll be hitting you up for more in a few months. I'm still a hyperactive worrying baby, you know.)

I had the MRI today and it was a suckfest with a side of "eh". The IV was fucking brutal. Nurse Ratchet missed the vein and had to grind the needle around in my forearm a bit to puncture it, which then caused blood to go squirting out of the catheter and down my arm and me to squirm in my seat with tears squeezing out of my eyes while I chanted a mantra of "crap crap crap". Ow and fucking ow. My arm feels like it was run over by a car then injected with silly putty. But obviously I can still type. Har.

The scan itself wasn't that bad. I actually went into a zone and almost fell asleep, despite the constant jackhammering on my head. Seriously, I know they can put a camera the size of a mile-long thread up your ass to see your brain, and we had people playing golf on the moon 30+ years ago for fuckssake. They can't invent a scanner that doesn't require ear plugs? Yes, I'm serious, I had to wear ear plugs. The sucker was LOUD.

But the dudes were semi-cool and the whole ordeal was over in less than an hour. The headache I get every time I'm injected with crap never got that bad and thankfully I'm not the claustrophobic type since my head was locked into place with a helmet thing and I was inserted into one of those full body tube machines. Felt like a Thanksgiving turkey being put into the oven. Please baste every 30 minutes. Thank you.

I wasn't expecting a call with the results for at least 2 days but low and behold, they're already in! Thank you doctor man who read the results right away and saved me 48 hours of sharting my pants. All's good in the neck region. No new masses or obvious scar tissue that would require me to be split open and scooped out. Just some swollen lymph nodes, which didn't surprise me. Radiation jacks those up. They're a mess all over me. It's a wonder I don't look like a sack of grapes in a sweater.

Doc said that this was good news, when he could sense my trepidation over the phone. I'm relieved the MRI was clean, but that doesn't rule out possible thyroid cancer cells since an MRI can't see those nasty buggers and I generally feel poopy all the time, which is a fucking drag, but better than having a tumor in my head, I tell ya. So, I could still have some thryoid cancer floating about, but at least it looks like I've avoided more surgery for the time being.

I'll have to do another thyroid cancer scan in the fall to see what the next course of action will be. Dependent on those results, there could be radiation or another year of freedom until the next scan. So, sigh, more waiting. Fricken A. This shit will never be over. Something that I have yet to accept. Don't really have the key to that, but I'm trying.

And somehow I've managed to become iron deficient. So I have to go take those pills that turn your crap black. Weeeee.

I'm very glad this set of tests and sharp poking in my arms are over and I'll being doing my very best to back-shelf this shit for the summer, concentrate on taking better care of myself and having some fucking fun. And doing a good bit of writing.

For now, me and my limpdick arm are picking up some dinner with ice cream, going home to the best man on the planet and getting laid.

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