Tuesday, February 15, 2005

For all you confused people

Let's just straighten something out once and for all. OK? I'm tired of going over this fact with practically every dumbass I encounter in my life. I do not have the time to educate you people one-by-one. My life needs to have available time for watching bad movies and laying on my couch. So I'm sure you can understand where I'm coming from. And if you don't have the intellectual equivalent of at least a gopher to log on to the internets and google your life away for proof, enjoy tripping through your paltry existence as a drooling moron basking in your substandard appetite.

White chocolate is NOT chocolate.

It's waxy, disgusting, coagulated, opaque poo, bleached pond scum mixed with sugar and I'm quite sure, rancid, curse-ed, congealed milk leaking from the nipples of Lucifer himself. It's grainy and putrid. Laced with excrement from a thousand albino sheep. If you have the misfortune, or unfathomably bad decision-making skills to consume this malodorous, vulgar, sweetened puss, the touted aftertaste you experience is in fact your soul draining out your tastebuds, leaking past your lips and into the atmosphere to be grabbed and gobbled by demons leaving you empty and damned. Slathered in false, decayed vanilla misery. It's gag-worthy and foul. An imposter infiltrating the purity and benevolence that is kissed-by-the-angels, delectibly delicious, real chocolate.

I'm just sayin.

9 comments:

Jack the blogger said...

So you're saying that you don't like white chocolate?

Ginny said...

YAY!

White choclate is made from bleached out dog turds.

Becka said...

I like white chocolate :(

Dr Rocks said...

And Betty spread the word and the light, and was made unto the likeness of a god. Because She spaketh the truth! AMEN SISTER!

Ginny said...

Next time try chewing the chocolate and tasting it. you will see. It tastes like like rancid poo.

nicoblue said...

It's not that I hate white chocolate, I am not that picky when it comes to fat and sugar mixed together. But I definately prefer milk chocolate in a fix.

Leslie said...

And albino chocolate Easter bunnies are just wrong.

Pirate said...

What are you suppose to call it then, European-American chocolate? I agree it sucks. So does carob.

Special K said...

I'm OK with white chocolate, but carob is truly the Devil. Now that's some grainy shit.