Which one of you infected me?

Well, that's what I get for having a tantrum at the universe for letting the great white shark go before I could see it. I'm sick as a dog. With the hacking and the runny nose and the weeping eyes and that horrible, annoying sinus tickle that makes you want to shove a rusty fork into your brain and swirl it around to make it stop. For the love of Christ, make it stop!

I drove my diseased ass to CVS this morning to get some type of medication I can take that won't induce a killer heart spasm since my stupid over-sensitive delicate system can't take any normal cold remedies like Alka-Seltzer or Nyquil. No decongestants of any kind. Thank you thyroid cancer! I thought I'd run it by the pharmacist before I bought anything since I don't get colds often and needed some help.

After being ignored at the drug counter for awhile I finally got her attention and explained my dilemma. I don't have a thyroid, blah blah, I'm on medication where I have to be hyperthyroid, yada yada, I can't take anything that has a stimulant in it like Sudafed so what can I take? Without missing a beat she says to me, "How about Sudafed?"

Fucking hell.

I reiterate again that no, you stupid fuckface, I cannot take Sudafed, so she tells me to take Tylenol. OK, I know you look like you're 16 but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you're an educated person and a licensed pharmacist, so let's start over. I NEED COLD MEDICATION NOT SOMETHING FOR A HEADACHE!! Then I sneezed on her face.

Alright, I didn't sneeze on her face but I wanted to. I ended up collecting a pathetic basket full of things like Kleenex and nasal spray and I did end up getting some liquid Nyquil-type Tylenol shit that was supposed to take care of my runny nose and cough and general achyness and was all laced with something called "Cool Burst" which tasted like liquid Bengay and coats the throat with a thick syrup making it feel like I was sucking on an iceberg in a wind tunnel for about 20 minutes. Not. Pleasant.

It did make me drowsy but only enough to miss any of the daytime TV that doesn't suck, drifting in and out of a nap peppered with trippy dreams and waking back up just as soon as my cable went out. Sigh. I should probably spend the weekend in bed but I'm determined to go on this mini-vacation and have some fucking fun. So, off we go tomorrow to salvage the trip we planned over a month ago and hopefully my ear drums won't burst at 35 thousand feet and whitey's friends won't look at me like a leper.

Now excuse me while I have another coughing fit. And have a good weekend, kids!

**UPDATE:

I didn't freaking go!! I tried. I took a shower and shaved my legs and everything. But then I got woozy and I'm hacking every 2 seconds and BLAH. We decided I'm too sick. I'm SO DAMN UPSET but I'm getting worse and how not fun would it be to travel and have what's supposed to be a great weekend ruined by watching snot drip down my swollen face? So I put whitey on the plane so at least he can have a good weekend with his friend and we'll try for a do-over in a couple weeks.

I'm gonna go pout for the next 48 hours now.