Friday, September 23, 2005

Survivor Recap - 2

Tonight’s Survivor definitely didn’t have the same exciting flavor as last week. It was unsalted butter on toast. A steaming cup of decaf. A monotone ‘I love you’. Why. Even. Bother.

After some aerial shots of breathtaking scenery, complete with several alligator eyeballs which would prove to be quite the foreshadowing since mine nearly fell out from rolling them. Episode 2 begins with a brief recap of last weeks show then we quickly join Nakúm as they limp their way back to camp in the dark after voting Jim out.

The men still looked beaten and exhausted and everyone is visibly unhappy for being the first group at Tribal Council. Well, what do you expect when all of your men puked their dehydrated brains out the previous day and were all weak as kittens? ~eyeroll~

The next morning finds some of the men slightly improved except for Blake, who is the male version of Stephanie I swear look for yourselves I do not lie


who’s sucking wind and being babied by Margaret, which does not set well with Judd who proceeds to whine that wah he wants to be the hero or Brandon who proclaims how tough he is while sitting on his ass wearing the same hat I wore to 6th grade camp in 1979. ~eyeroll~

Tribe KumbayYaxha was basking in their victory and about one minute away from a group hug as they proclaimed themselves a family after enjoying each other’s bodily stank for 4 whole days. ~eyero…aww you get the point~

Both tribes received tree mail for the reward challenge which eluded to something to do with spiders. I was so hoping the producers would get all X-treme Fear Factor on their asses and make them eat some roasted turantulas dipped in bat guano, but I was totally robbed. Both teams would have to sprint across a ramp and a net run then spider-crawl on the underside of a giant web made of ropes hanging above the water. The kind of ropes that rip all of your skin off, so I guess I got that.

Tied to the spiderweb were bags, one for each tribe member in their respective buff colors. Each person would have to untie a bag, drop into the water then race back the way they came to the starting point. The first team to get all 8 bags would win the reward of fishing gear that was total crap because it wasn’t a fishing pole but a piece of bamboo with fishing line attached and a pile of hooks. Big whoop and ~eyeroll~

Both teams were neck and neck for most of the race until Rafe morphed into Raggedy Andy and lost his team about an hour of time. Lucky for him there are some kick-ass chicks to pick up the slack and Yaxha caught up enough for a photo finish. But alas, Nakúm were the victors and relished their bowl of worms and string.

Back at their respective camps, Nakúm took their canoe out and caught a few fish while Blake continued to hyperventilate. Dude, Judd is going to stuff you into a gopher hole, or sloth hole, or whatever the hell animal they have out there, if you don’t get up. Rafe talked Gary into eating a pile of ants. Does he even realize the number of carbs those things have? Lydia the fishmonger trapped some minnows using her fishmonger wiles and everyone got a bit of protein.

Immunity was up for grabs again the next day where both tribes would meet at the mud pit for a grueling and extremely anti-climactic tug-of-war. Both teams would pull with all their might, which seemed unfair since Nakúm is made of mostly of bulls and Yaxha of poodles, but hey, there was mud. The teams had 15 minutes to pull their guts out and grab a flag. 15 minutes later and no one had moved more than a few inches and Bobby John nearly busted a blood vessel and that boy cannot spare a brain cell, let me tell you.

Since this was a stalemate, 2 single tribe members would then compete by being tied together and pulling in opposite directions towards their flags. Whoever was closest after 5 minutes, or was able to grab their flag would be declared the winner. A tribal triumph would require 3 flags. Nakúm quickly grabbed 2 then battle number 3 looked like a sure victory for Yaxha when Judd the ox dug deep and yanked Jamie about 10 feet through the sludge limp as a rag. Yaxha would be heading to the vote later that night.

Back at their homestead, the Yaxha’s began feverishly plotting for a torch to snuff. Gary got lucky when someone brought up the fact that Danni totally busted him for being an x-NFL quarterback, which could have pegged him as a liar sooner than he’d like, but he managed to successfully fib his way out of it while doing an awesome imitation of Lurch. Bahhhhhhh.

Lydia’s name was thrown into the ring and it looked like she was going home, but in a last ditch effort she campaigned herself and managed to swing the vote towards the magician’s assistant, who wasn’t pulling her weight around camp. And why the fat was Rafe not even considered? He fucked that first challenge all to hell.

Bu alas, Morgan is gone. Ta dah!

Here are the remaining teams.

Tribe Nakum

Tribe Yaxha

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