Don't tread on me

I haven't done a good old-fashioned bitter rant recently and thought it was time. In actuality, something that I read by Amalah planted this seed in my head a few days ago but since I'm still in the middle of birthday bliss I wasn't in the mood for a bitch session. And frankly, I'm pretty darn chill today but I thought I'd throw this out there and we'll see if I can muster up some really good ire. Plus I just had a piece of ice cream cake and the sugar is making me a little tight.

You see good people of the internet, there is a misunderstanding being perpetuated in the cybersphere that just isn't jiving with me anymore and watching people having to fight against blasts of shit being sprayed their way is not only getting tiring but it's time to tell some of these assholes to fuck right off.

Yes, I know we're all dealing with mere words on a screen, but there are people behind the virtual text and a community in any form does have power over evil. Even though for the most part, unless you're one of those webcam freaks, our voices are imagined yet we can still be heard. And I realize there will never be an absence of dicks in the world, but there is a way to Lorraina Bobbit them down to size. Bitching and slightly threatening education is my method of choice.

WTF is she talking about, you might be saying, well kids, I'm talking about unsolicited advice, or assvice which I refuse to use because I think that word is lame. Specifically, unwanted contributions to strangers delivered in a manner meant to intimidate, harangue, attack, browbeat, bully, badger, insult, disrespect, shame, taunt, ridicule, aggravate, and hurt. I'm talking about fuckwads leaving shitty comments on people's blogs and dickheads sending totally inappropriate and psychotic fucker e-mails to bloggers. Not people offering well-thought opinions in a rational and friendly manner.

And if you are one of these people who haven't been able to control themselves before you hit publish, post or send, I have a message for you. FUCKING STOP IT YOU LOSER WEIRDO ASSHOLE!!

This whole mentality that if it's on the internet it's public domain is crap. It is not a direct invitation to say or do anything you damn well please. Let me break it down for you since I have a sneaky suspicion that the blaring TV you're watching showing a re-run of Stacks in the background is distracting you from my brilliant testament. Just because it's on the internet doesn't mean it's fair-game for your brand of crazy.

Let's take real life as a 'for instance'. Unless you're confined to four walls, I assume you make your way into public occasionally. This puts you in the presence of other people. Say you're feeling a bit peckish and decide enjoy some ice cream on a warm summer day. You purchase a double-scoop of chocolate mixed with roasted almonds, caramel and hot fudge (what?) and go outside where you proceed to squeeze your slightly overweight ass into a plastic chair under an umbrella ready to consume your frozen treat and do a little people watching. Sounds normal, right?

Now, close your mouth and stay with me. As you're licking and relaxing, someone who's seen you at the local Starbucks a couple of times but who doesn't know you from Adam walks up, leans over into your face and screams "YOU SHOULDN'T BE EATING THAT YOU FAT PIG YOU AREN'T EVEN EATING THAT THE RIGHT WAY YOU'RE GONNA GET AN ICE CREAM HEADACHE AND YOU DRESS LIKE PARIS HILTON ON CRACK WHICH I REALIZE IS REDUNDANT BUT YOU LOOK LIKE A WHORE AND YOU NEED TO BE EXACTLY LIKE I WANT YOU TO BE. I HOPE YOU DIEEEEEEEEE".

Hey there innocent person minding your own business , why do you cry? Was it not totally fair that a stranger came up to you and offered their opinion? Did you not appreciate being blindly attacked by someone you don't know? Were you offended that someone picked on your physical appearance and fashion choice? Was it completely shocking that another human being would wish harm on you? Was it not obvious that this uninvited information was perfectly reasonable? You were in public after all...

Are you getting it now?

Just because you build your house with windows doesn't mean it's cool for someone to stand in your bushes and watch you scratch your balls. Just because you are privy to someone's inner thoughts and personal info DOES NOT mean you get to harass them like some creepy stalker via e-mail or comments and puke every demented-where's-my-tinfoil-hat thought that has crossed through your pointy little head. It does not open the floodgates for you to be as ugly as possible because you cannot see the recipient of your damage.

And you are damaged if you actually take the time to draft a letter dripping with venom, bile and run-on sentences when it's completely unwarranted and send it to someone you've never had a personal fucking exchange with.

It amazes me that this happens. Doesn't surprise me though because I get it. I get that the people who do this have something going on in their lives that keep them trapped and the only way to release the festering ooze of their brains is to explode on others who can't haul off and punch them in the face. It's done by those who are so cracked under the surface that the only balm to soothe their sores is losing control against a stranger. It's someone who needs to be awful. When it's not contructive but rather contemptible the point is wasted anyway. It's an exercise in lunacy. And trust me, I know about the crazy. I've picked a fight with the bitch at the DMV when I was really mad at my husband and I'm not proud. (Yes, I see the irony in that).

The phone used to be the device cowards hid behind, and then the fax machine but that was really only abused by Phil Collins when he faxed his x-wife a divorce request. What a tool. False bravato and nasty attitudes were so much easier when transmitted across Ma Bell. Now, with the invention of the uncontrolled internet, those who can't handle their own shit and must take every angry, stifled, crap life moment out on others can take mean to a new level. Mix mean with crazy and you have half the freaks online.

I guess I'm lucky. I haven't experienced this before through my blog. But boy-o-boy have I had my fill of internet crazies through other means. And it sucks. No matter what the method of communication. So, for any of you who've commented on someone's blog or written to them with blatant malice, unsolicited nasty advice and hatred, let me tell you this, get a fucking life.

Think before you write that stranger and think to yourself, would I like to get a letter from someone telling me I'll go to hell if I don't breast feed my baby? Hmmm, I think not. You might know personal info about me but you don't get to treat me like shit. You don't have to like everyone or everything they say, you don't have to agree, you don't even have to ever read that person again, but check yourselves before you act like an asshole.

Or get your own fucking blog where you can be as stupid as you want to be and I promise I won't e-mail you how much you suck.