Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Such a tough girl

I've stolen a meme. It wasn't given to me so I took it. And you can't do anything about it. Whatcha gonna do? Call the meme police? Just go ahead and try. I bet they're stupid anyway. A bunch of posers with carpal tunnel and Halloween costume cop hats. They can't do anything to me. I'm untouchable. So here I go, flaunting my 5 finger discounted meme which I'll just use up and throw away anyhow because I don't even like the word meme and this one isn't that interesting but it doesn't change the fact that I'm a bad ass motherfucker who shoplifted the meme.

~flips off security camera~



Five favorite days of the year
Besides Saturday and Sunday when I get to do whatever the feck I want to, ride my horse, shop, nap, eat nothing but half a tube of low-fat chips-a-hoy (not that I did that last weekend)?
1. My birthday - should be recognized as a national holiday. Will someone please get on that?
2. Halloween - despite the lack of awesome parties I never get to go to or the ability to show off the most righteous costumes I come up with, I love this day and the creepy, fall, crisp-air, monster-movie vibes that come with it. (And the shit piles of candy)
3. Christmas - day off, pressies, duh. It's good.
4. Thanksgiving - license to pig.
5. Any day I don't feel like crap.

Five things I watched this week
You might sense a theme here...
1. Big Brother - for chrissakes, Amber! STOP FUCKING CRYING!!
2. Hell's Kitchen - thanks for giving me the phrase "You fucking donk-ay!!" I will use it with pride.
3. Real World 492 - Australia - another group of egotistical assholes. It's gonna be delicious.
4. So You Think You Can Dance - I'm over it already.
5. Porn. What?

Five things you don't want to do but should
This is stupid because everyone is going to have the same answers, eat better, sleep more, blah blah blah and I'm no different. Let's see if I can shock you.
1. Go to the bathroom in a timely manner. Seriously, since I was a kid I hated taking time out for this. Now that I'm a bit - ahem - older, I can't play that particular game of Russian roulette, if you know what I mean.
2. Talk to HR about my fuckface boss. I know damn well HR is only there to protect the company but I need to nut up and get something on record if shit goes down. But I don't wanna.
3. Do my physical therapy exercises.
4. Alright, I'm caving. Eat better.
5. Leave more comments on blogs I like. It's the one area I get stupidly shy.

Five things you want to learn
There are too many to list but here's the current things on my radar.
1. Photography
2. Dog training
3. Photography
4. Photography
5. Whistle with my fingers

Five animals you've had as or have pets who impacted you
I like animals more than people. Nuff said.
1. Dogs, especially Casey my baby girl forever, Chance and Ginger
2. Cats - RIP Boo Boo Kitty, love you Rass, you were totally kick-ass, Precious.
3. Hamsters - oh, my first taste of death. How you rocked me to the core.
4. Rats - science experiment that turned out pretty darn cool.
5. I had a horse for about 5 fucking minutes but couldn't keep him because of $$ and I've regretted it ever since. I still love him and always will and wish he'd been mine for all this time because now all I can do is kiss his sweet face.

Five favorite pieces of clothing
1. Black yoga pants.
2. Black yoga pants.
3. Black yoga pants.
4. Pajamas.
5. Latest cleavage top.

Five things you enjoy in the summer
1. Hibernating in my super-air-conditioned house napping and watching bad Lifetime movies with my baby. That's pretty much it.

Five foods you don't like
Well, if you're going to make me narrow it down to 5!
1. Bell peppers - gross, gag, ack, barf, puke. How do people eat that shit?
2. Carrots - raw, semi-raw, semi-cooked, cooked, pureed, sliced, diced, mashed, etc etc etc. NO. Carrot cake. YES. Go figure.
3. Raisins - blech. Chocolate covered raisins. Delightful.
4. Tapioca. Might as well eat a slice of hell.
5. Any meat stranger than chicken, pig or grown cow. No venison, no elk, no buffalo, no lamb, no duck, no shark (for other reasons), no antelope, no game hen, no veal, no Thumper, no snake, no frog, no alligator, no oxtail, maybe quail egg. All sushi exempt.

Five things that are not where they belong
1. My brand new contacts are not in my eyeballs because they are defective and I can't fricken see.
2. I have a crazy space in my second and third teeth from the front. Get back in your right spot, tooth!
3. Whitey and I. Wrong state. SOMEONE BUY MY STINKING HOUSE!!
4. My sacroiliac. WAY out of joint.
5. My bank account. Needs a few more zeroooooooooooooooooooooooooo's.

You are given $50,000 to give to 5 people as $10,000 cash gifts, who and why
1. whitey so he can pay off a dept and breathe a little easier for awhile.
2. My best friend Shawna so she can get on her feet and out of the hood.
3. My parents which could possibly be a loan repayment...
4. A random person sitting on a bus bench. San Diego is not a public transit-friendly city and taking a bus anywhere sucks a special kind of ass.
5. The Humane Society so maybe a few more puppies and kitties could avoid the gas chamber a few more days.

And now I feel a little guilty for my gross theft. Darn being raised by a middle class professional shamer mom.


Avalon said...

I was soooooo waiting for my name on that 10,000 dollar giveaway list. I'll be at the bus stop bright and early.

Curvy girl said...

Ok. I'm stealing this from you now. MUAHAHAHAHA

I'm not even supposed to be here today said...

In no order...

1. I will honor your birthday... just tell me when it is and I'll have vodka for the kool-aid.

2. I had a space between two of my teeth and the dentist gave a tiny bristled poking device. Everything's fine now.

3. What's a sacroiliac? Can I get one on the rocks?

4. How can you NOT like bell peppers? They're delish and chock full of good stuff... My kids used to eat the white and seedy part out of the trash... THAT's how good they are!

5. I'm gonna need a pic of these black yoga pants so I can not work out in them. They sound comfy, but yoga is for people who DIDN'T fall out of a tree onto their coxcyx last weekend.

6. I'm convinced that finger whistling is genetic, like rolling your tongue. I've been trying for years and I swear it's not possible. I can make a screeching sound with a acorn though. Why would you want to put your fingers in your mouth anyway? Nailbiting is deemed a dirty habit... so the two whole fingers has to be worse!

7. Air conditioning... ahh! I'm with you 100% on that one!

Love, The Rascal

Ben said...

"Leave more comments on blogs I like."

[ahem] Nice blog.


Joan said...

It's a good thing you aren't "high maintenance."