Uh...duh...

Wow. I just have nothing of interest to say. Doesn't it suck when you take the time to log in, now using my retardedly long g-mail address fuckyouverymuch Blogger, and stare at a blank new post and can't think of anything pithy to post? No? Have no idea what I'm talking about? Well FINE. It's just me! WHATEVER!

My brain, she is blank. I just can't think of anything to write that won't send you all into a snoring coma so I will ramble on. That I know I can pull out of my ass.

We spent another weekend working in the house. I took Monday off to work some more and have my agent come over and give a quick tour to see how things are progressing and she was very impressed, might I add. Looks like the house, after some final projects and finishing touches, will be on the market in the next week or so. And this is where I shit my pants.

Change. Big change. BIG HUGE CHANGE. GAH!!

How about that American Idol? Hey boys - you suck! Hey girls - you're all gonna lose to Lakisha! My baby is doing some hilarious write-ups. Go check it.

Despite AI keeping us slightly entertained a few nights a week, and Survivor now getting into full swing, I will not be right until America's Next Top Model returns. Which I just found out will be next Tuesday. Come back to me, Tyra. You and all your not-fatness. I love you...

Also, waiting for Heroes on Monday night has left us with a prime-time gap, which we are filling with Wife Swap. If you haven't seen this you must, now, immediately. In short order the producers of this show went from switching the slightly prissy mother from Midwest suburbia with the occasionally spicy mom from another Midwest suburbia who lets her hair down by riding Harley's with her accountant husband on the weekends to finding the craziest bitches at the opposite ends of whatever spectrum they're playing with that week.

For instance, they pluck one wife from a chaotic house of rock-n-roll where the kids have no rules, swear, watch their parents party, and go to bed when they want and switch her with a mother living an evangelical life devoted to God, her husband, and her 3 non-pants wearing daughters. Picture fish out of water flopping around on a hot frying pan while someone sprinkles them with acid. It's awesome. And to add some extra flavor to the mix each wife must live by the house rules for 1 week then they get to set their own rules for the second week. And let me tell you, without fail they got apeshit nuts with those.

This week was not only awesome it was disturbing as we witnessed a wealthy urban mom from San Francisco with an obsession for cleaning and education switch lives with a complete freak farmer who decided with her drama-queen farmer husband that their entire family would embrace germs as their friends and eat nothing but raw food. Raw food including meat, eggs, some rancid yogurt crap that looked like a jar full of choade, and a host of other medievil concoctions.

The farmer family also rejected water as being a deadly "solvent" and nearly forbade their teenage children from consuming any. When they decided to brush their teeth (which was rare) they used a home-made goop of butter and clay. Yes. I said butter and clay. When anyone was having a stressful moment they would do a shot of raw egg and serious attitude adjustments required the gnawing on a chunk of 4 month-old raw beef. The kids didn't attend school or receive any schooling at home because the family thought it was stupid and a waste of time. The whole house looked like an abandoned crack den and the toilet was beyond your imagination.

San Fran mother could not deal and left early, which I don't blame her at all. I let my long hair pile up a bit on the sink but we aren't shitting in brown-encrusted commodes. Freak farmer mama abides by most of the rules set forth by San Fran mama but when it's her turn to set the rules the attempt at showing 2 young boys a live chicken slaughter pushed San Fran father to the edge and he put the stop on that little exercise. You'd just have to see this one to fully experience the dichotomies at work, but it was great. I highly recommend it.

Well, if anyone is still reading, that's about it. Some day my life won't be all about semi-gloss paint and re-arranging the garage and I will tell a story. Until then, coma.