Monday, April 24, 2006

I don't need no stinkin' title

Last week I was hit with yet another Hormone Storm that rendered me occasionally violent and more than occasionally panic-stricken and anywhere from slightly tearing with little hot water droplets that just sat on my eyelashes to openly weeping with the slobbering and the snorting. It was particularly bad. (Hint - do not watch Animals Cops when hormonal.)

Since I've changed jobs within my company and went from a hateful stressed-out crazy freak lethargic sloth to a bored comatose unmotivated jaded lethargic sloth it's been one extreme to another. Either way getting hit with a PMS Patriot Missile left me just the slightest bit INSANE. Which in turn magnified the self-imposed and circumstantial crap I'm dealing with and man, was I cranky.

There was one day that I had a five minute bout of the worst depression I've ever felt. Thank Jebus that one didn't last long. And it hasn't totally gone away but at least today I don't feel like running down a couple of nuns leading a kindergarten class across the street. (100 points!)Since I'm all blah and shit and NONE of you fellow BLOGGERS ever fucking E-MAIL me or TAG me with FUN shit, I done went and STOLE some meme thing or whatever the fuck THOSE things are but they look fun so POO ON YOU FOR NOT INCLUDING ME EVER.

~flips off internet~

6 weird facts/things/habits about myself.

(Just so you know, this was incredibly hard to write since I'm SO normal and shit.)

1. I go out of my way to step on dried leaves and pieces of bark so it'll make that crunch sound sometimes having to change course or take a really long step to reach a leaf that's not in my exact path and then I look like Lurch walking down the street taking a retarded stride. But only with shoes on because I'd rather live in a house with floors made of dog shit and cat puke than walk barefoot outside. (Sadly, the cat puke part is already there.)

2. When I don't have shoes on I sit with my toes curled under my feet. I've been known to sit like this for so long my feet get all cramped and stuck like that and I can't walk until the blood flows back in. Teachers used to cruise by me in class and point it out to everyone, which was SO fun, lemme tell ya. (Fuck you, Mr. Bailey.)

3. I only like to eat things in really small bites. I will cut a chicken breast into baby-sized pieces. I will never bite into a whole candybar, it has to be chopped up or preferably mini's or those Popables. If I could have every meal consisting of appetizer-like food I'd be happy. (Not all of the fried crap but bite-sized finger food with ranch dressing. Everything is better with ranch dressing.)

4. When I pet an animal I clench my teeth so hard it hurts. I've done this my whole dang life and it annoys the shit out of me. I think it's some left-over thing I did as a kid, you know, when you see a little girl or boy over-loving a pet and they're all rough and crazy-eyed because they love it so much they have to show that love by scratching the animal down to its guts until it squirms out of their little death grip and runs away forever. Please note: I don't hurt them anymore but the clenching continues. (OK, that's a lie. Sometimes I still get a little too rough but only with Rascal Fat Cat Triple Scoop because she can take it).

5. I can't even think about what's clogging my drain without getting seriously, physically ill. Like on the verge of yacking, ill. The thought of a congealed mass of hair and sludge and spit and...OK, I can't go on. It's the hair part that does it. I can't stand it. I won't wash my hands in a sink at work if there's a hair in it. Those big, black, wet....oh man. My breakfast almost repeated. You get the drift. And this is all stupid because I have hair down to my waist. But once it's off your head it makes me sick. (I did recently have the clog un-clogged and I had to grab the plumber by the collar and shout in his face that I MUST NOT WITNESS THE CARNAGE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? I CANNOT SEE WHAT COMES OUT OF THERE. And he obliged and I think called me a crazy lady under his breath.)

6. I don't have a birthmark. Anywhere. I guess there was some purple thing on my knee that faded away when I was a couple of months old but there's no trace of it. I do have one knee that has a big round patch that stays white when I get out of a hot shower. The rest of me is bright pink except for that one spot, but it's the opposite knee that had the purple mark. (Or so my mother says and we all know she can't remember squat.)

Choosing 6 out of my arsenal of weirdness was hard. Maybe I could make this a weekly thing. Heh. And consider the first 6 people who read this TAGGED. YOU'RE. IT.


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