Tuesday, November 02, 2004

PMS - you're my bitch now

The hormone fairy is a cunt. I hate her and her basket of bitch she carries. All tra-la-la-ing through the forest of my brain depositing her nasty gifts and fucking up my world, more than usual, for more than a few days. A few days that we will all pay for. Because of that whore. It's not my fault, it's hers.

I love being a woman. I wouldn't want to be a man. Dealing with huge boobs is akin to juggling 14 casaba melons on fire as it is, I could not cope with a twig and berries between my head crushing thighs either. And I love having an innie. I love make-up and shoes and flirting with men and sucking dick. Wait, now I think I'm a drag queen, but whatever. My point is, I like being of the female persuasion, most...of...the...time.

The nuclear dump that has become my mood is now at red alert. Even terrorists would run from me today. And bring it on Mufasa. Whatchoo got?? I'm having moments of such overwhelming, seething hatred I'm not looking anyone directly in the face since my deathray-eye could be considered a weapon of ass destruction, since it will hurt you and is usually followed by my nearly uncontrollable urge to kick your ass like the annoying red-headed step-child you are. You don't want to be on the receiving end of one of my puss faces. Seriously, I can make people cry and soil themselves. There are way too many people deserving of my dripping repugnance and way to many that I've encountered today, which is not the day people! So watch your step. Cuz I'm crazy. And I'll cut ya. Stupid bitch.

Excuse me? Does this lane belong to you? Is your name painted down the center spanning the entire 2,000 mile length of Interstate 15? Is there some type of mental disorder handed down through the generations of your inbred ancestry who's family tree resembles a straight line that does not allow anyone the ability to slightly glance to the left and see the car next to them is patiently and politely trying to merge over with a blinker furiously blinka blinka blinking or they're going to miss the exit and be even later since the fuckwits at the voting place hired 4 mouthbreathers to man the 50 people waiting in line at 7 fucking o'clock in the god damn morning. Yea, didn't think so. Stupid bitch.

And why do you insist on buying shoes that don't fit your fat fucking feet?? I don't want to see those dried out and cracked skanky heels hanging off the back of your 2 for 1 sandals from Payless. And who are you trying to be Miss I Brought My Tween To The Polls with your dowdy purple fugly dress paired with come-fuck-me shoes. I hope your feet hurt so bad by dinner time that your weeping blister gets stuck to the tiny leather strap and rips the skin right off of your pedicured toes. Get some fashion sense or I'll shove a Glamour up your ass. Stupid bitch.

Are you kidding me? Are you actually asking me the same dumb fucking question that I just answered in the e-mail I have now sent for the 4th time explaining how it all fucking works? Did you do that many drugs at the vocational high school you attended in Fuckass, Arkansas back in the 70's that what's left of your questionable intellect cannot compute the 3 short sentences I so painfully constructed in hopes that you'd be able to follow the basic principles of the written word and recognize the letters of the alphabet and that those letters when put together in certain combinations actually form words, and when those words are further joined together in a particular order that they actually create complete thoughts and valuable information is transmitted, received, accepted and understood. I thought you were at least that advanced beyond primordial soup. But apparently I was wrong. Stupid bitch.

Ooooo. Halloween candy.

Yes, yes, yes, you are the most important person I've ever spoken to. No, no, no, I have nothing else to do. I just sit here day after day after day waiting for you to call so I can only take care of you because I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO. Listen fuckneck, we've gone over this a few millions times. You will be taken care of as quickly as I can get to it, which now means sometime in the next millennia and when I'm good god damn and ready to since your attitude is by far no match for mine today and your request will now be filed somewhere UP MY ASS. Stupid bitch.

Fucking hormone fairy. Stupid bitch.

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