Speaking of tits...

Messages you don't want to come home to on your answering maching:

"Hello Ms. Bitter, this is so-and-so from the Tit Smasher Breast Center. Please give me a call regarding your recent mammogram."

Please excuse me while I go shit my pants for the next 12 hours.

Update: I called. There's something wrong with my left girl. I have to go back in today for more smashing and an ultrasound.

I need another pair of pants and 2 14 valium.