Welcome to Spring

It was a beautiful morning. The sun was already bright and shining across the pale blue sky. The birds were chirping and the traffic was light. I was fairly well-rested and the office bitches at my doctor's appointment weren't too stupid. The fumbly fingered phlebotomist got blood on the first try. The meeting went well. I would only be 30 minutes late for work even after picking up some breakfast. I was calm and content.

I pulled up to a red light and stopped. Looking to my left I see a white-haired little grandma sitting on her apartment steps reading a magazine. A folded blanket under her for comfort and pink fuzzy slippers covering her old feet.

I think to myself, lady, put some friggen clothes on.

I immediately admonish my inner judgmental tone. I change my normal way of thinking and observe the positive. She's getting some fresh air. She's enjoying watching the cars go by. She's taking a moment in the sun.

I think to myself, jeez, I wouldn't leave the house with my hair looking like a pair of pigeons mated on top of my head all night.

No, no, no, that's not nice. She's old and possible infirm. It probably took her 10 minutes to get her rickety legs down those stairs.

I think to myself, for god's sake, you can see right through those pajama bottoms.

Now, now Betty! That could be your own mother in a few years. Take heart.

I smile again. She's probably a sweet old woman who would cook you homemade soup and give you change from the bottom of her purse. She most likely had a hard life and deserves her golden years spent in peace. She could have been a nun helping the poor and destitute living a demure and unselfish life.

Aww, she's getting up. Where is she going? You sweet old lady. She's walking to the edge of the grass. Maybe she sees something there. Like a baby rabbit or a squirrel or a little baby kitty she's going to rescue and name George and it will keep her company on those lonely nights and she will love it and it will love her. Sigh. Isn't that a nice thought. What o what could it be?

Then she leans over and out of her mouth drops a 4 pound chunk of spew that doesn't break until it's halfway to her knobby knees.

Nice.