Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Like a hammer

I don't know what it is. That thing that comes over me without warning. Well, one of the things, since there are about 1100 of them. You know, that thing when you get a rush of feelings that knock you back a few feet, the kind that make your heart hurt and your tingly parts tingle. The emotion that slams you into the floor like a love tsunami. You feelin' me? Because that's what's goin' on with my boy this very minute.

We live together. We see each other almost every day, unless one of us is out of town which rarely happens anyway. We talk about mundane crap. We talk about actual crap. We turn into zombies in front of the TV. We do our own things in separate rooms. Nothing especially special has happened or is going on, but I tell you what, I'm overwhelmed with love for that boy right now.

I think about him every other minute of the day, inbetween cursing doctors and dickheads. I stare at the back of his head when he's sitting on the floor doing the Sunday crossword puzzle on the coffee table. I want to reach out and pull his hair. I want to squeeeeeeeze his face. I want to lick the back of his neck. I want to crawl right inside him and hide.

I'm having so much fun just being in his presence. I constantly worry that I'm a total dud and any second now he's going to get sick of dealing with my utter lack of energy every day. But every time he laughs outloud at one of my jokes, or an awesomely snarky comment to an American Idol constestant, I hope he's happy and happy with me. I really don't doubt that, but I worry. I'm a chick, what can I say.

I understand relationships go through their phases, circling back and around over and over. At least I think the good ones do. But for now, I love him more than chocolate dipped in chocolate sprinkled with chocolate.

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