Tis true. I finally got a job. After a year. Ahem, wtf universe. A year?
Not the one I wanted. Makes me really motivated to change careers. But it's a paycheck.
And oh, I've decided to start blogging again. Please contain your excitement. Thank you.
Monday, November 01, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
So long, 2009. You bitch.
So. Here we are. It's the last day of 2009 and I've posted once the entire year. Oops. Well, I can't really say "oops" because it was mostly on purpose. You see, I lost my mojo this year. I've misplaced my moxie. Lost track of my oomph. In a word, zombiefied.
I've taken to calling it Planet Apathetica of which I'm the ruling queen. I'm not really sure what triggered this trip to Club Coma but not long after we rang in 2009 I just stopped giving (most of) a shit. Turned my back on all things creative, let myself go, became Princess Blah.
Of course I've kept myself clean, bathed, smelling nice but everything else went out the window. This once dressed-to-the-nines girl with the shoe fetish wears nothing more than yoga pants and t-shirts every day and gawd forbid I put on a stitch of makeup. I've hardly picked up my camera all year and you may of noticed there wasn't a lot of writing going on.
I think a lot had to do with my work situation. I've concluded that my job had bored me to tears which then made me fiercely complacent (oxymoron?) which then caused me to become sort of depressed. Which all equals ZOMBIE. I didn't sit around crying about shit, I just turned OFF.
And then I got canned. Oh, the irony.
In February we heard a rumor that people with my particular title might be losing their jobs to a consolidated office in Bumfuck, Tennessee. Despite my boss assuring us we'd be OK I just knew I'd get swept up in the dust so I started to financially plan for it right away. Then 3 days after I got back from a July vacation I was called into my bosses office and found the HR Ghoul sitting there and I knew. Thanks for the (almost) 8 years of service, October 30th will be your last day.
I suppose being given more than 3 months notice was better than most people who've lost their jobs in this craptastic economy but I don't do well with sitting around knowing a hammer is going to fall on my head and it did nothing for my already questionable psyche. Stressful, it's been.
But, I've also tried to look at it this way. I wasn't happy in almost every aspect of my life. Planet Apathetica sucks. The view is shitty and the drinks are watered down. It's time to cash in my return ticket and get back to living, as lame as that sounds. I keep waiting for my Oprah a-ha moment but when you've narrowed your life view to a pin-point you're not going to see it even if it's an elephant dancing the lambada in the corner. This layoff was meant to be. Meant to wake me up so I can push myself out of this stupid hole. I'm sure of it.
2009 wasn't the worst year I've ever had. Not a bunch of roses but not a flaming bag of dogshit either. But it wasn't easy. So, here's the plan. I'm taking a few months off and thanks to a small severance package I can. I'm giving myself permission to step back and take the time I need to put my ducks back in their row. I will make goals to improve myself mentally and physically and follow through with good decisions. I need to flex my tight creative muscles so that's on the list as well. Not convinced I'll write more but we'll see.
I'm sure this will be a bumpy road, Lord knows I do everything the hardest fucking way possible, but I will succeed. Quite the new thought pattern for me, don't ya think? Don't worry, I'm still a cranky bitch a lot of the time but at my age I'd better have a few things figured out and being a full-time pessimist just isn't working any more. One of my work friends told me before I left that this was my opportunity to re-invent myself. I've taken those words to heart and that's exactly what I plan to do.
I've also discovered that the end result for these changes isn't to be happier, necessarily. It's to be better. And for me, that's the best destination I could wish for.
And to throw in a bonus here's this years re-cap:
Just dance, Gonna be okay. Da-da-doo-doo-mmm
I've taken to calling it Planet Apathetica of which I'm the ruling queen. I'm not really sure what triggered this trip to Club Coma but not long after we rang in 2009 I just stopped giving (most of) a shit. Turned my back on all things creative, let myself go, became Princess Blah.
Of course I've kept myself clean, bathed, smelling nice but everything else went out the window. This once dressed-to-the-nines girl with the shoe fetish wears nothing more than yoga pants and t-shirts every day and gawd forbid I put on a stitch of makeup. I've hardly picked up my camera all year and you may of noticed there wasn't a lot of writing going on.
I think a lot had to do with my work situation. I've concluded that my job had bored me to tears which then made me fiercely complacent (oxymoron?) which then caused me to become sort of depressed. Which all equals ZOMBIE. I didn't sit around crying about shit, I just turned OFF.
And then I got canned. Oh, the irony.
In February we heard a rumor that people with my particular title might be losing their jobs to a consolidated office in Bumfuck, Tennessee. Despite my boss assuring us we'd be OK I just knew I'd get swept up in the dust so I started to financially plan for it right away. Then 3 days after I got back from a July vacation I was called into my bosses office and found the HR Ghoul sitting there and I knew. Thanks for the (almost) 8 years of service, October 30th will be your last day.
I suppose being given more than 3 months notice was better than most people who've lost their jobs in this craptastic economy but I don't do well with sitting around knowing a hammer is going to fall on my head and it did nothing for my already questionable psyche. Stressful, it's been.
But, I've also tried to look at it this way. I wasn't happy in almost every aspect of my life. Planet Apathetica sucks. The view is shitty and the drinks are watered down. It's time to cash in my return ticket and get back to living, as lame as that sounds. I keep waiting for my Oprah a-ha moment but when you've narrowed your life view to a pin-point you're not going to see it even if it's an elephant dancing the lambada in the corner. This layoff was meant to be. Meant to wake me up so I can push myself out of this stupid hole. I'm sure of it.
2009 wasn't the worst year I've ever had. Not a bunch of roses but not a flaming bag of dogshit either. But it wasn't easy. So, here's the plan. I'm taking a few months off and thanks to a small severance package I can. I'm giving myself permission to step back and take the time I need to put my ducks back in their row. I will make goals to improve myself mentally and physically and follow through with good decisions. I need to flex my tight creative muscles so that's on the list as well. Not convinced I'll write more but we'll see.
I'm sure this will be a bumpy road, Lord knows I do everything the hardest fucking way possible, but I will succeed. Quite the new thought pattern for me, don't ya think? Don't worry, I'm still a cranky bitch a lot of the time but at my age I'd better have a few things figured out and being a full-time pessimist just isn't working any more. One of my work friends told me before I left that this was my opportunity to re-invent myself. I've taken those words to heart and that's exactly what I plan to do.
I've also discovered that the end result for these changes isn't to be happier, necessarily. It's to be better. And for me, that's the best destination I could wish for.
And to throw in a bonus here's this years re-cap:
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Got laid off.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year but I will this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope, thank Jebus.
5. What states did you visit?
This year I've been to Montana, Idaho, Utah, and Wyoming. The norm for visiting my folks.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
The balls to fly on an airplane. This year was the worst ever and I really thought I was going to lose my ever-lovin' shit while in the air. Twice.
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 13th - the day I got canned and October 30th, my last day at work.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Holding myself together pretty well in spite of the enormous stresses of getting the boot in the worst economy since the Depression.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not losing the extra weight I've been carrying for the last 6 years. I'm really mad at myself over that.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Are you kidding me? Yes and yes.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
42 " flat screen TV on Christmas Eve (with gifted money). It's my new boyfriend.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My boyfriends. My word he puts up with my shit like a champ and he did some pretty heavy decision making of is own.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
There are seriously too many to mention but if I had to pick someone I'd say any one of the numerous attention whore idiots on reality shows who do the stupidest shit imaginable thinking it'll get them some kind of fame and fortune. (I'm looking at you, Tool Academy.)
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, bills, bills, bills, bills.
15. What did you get really excited about?
Actually, the thought of being able to start over gets me hard.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Lady GaGa, Just Dance. (Which I did in November and jacked up my back something awful.)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Sadder - but also hopeful, if that makes sense.
– thinner or fatter? A tiny bit fatter, darnit.
– richer or poorer? Poorer, definitely.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Worked out. Ate better.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Sitting around doing nothing.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with my bf.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
As usual, I love my bf more every year.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Too many to count. True Blood is at the top, though. Go team Bill!
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.
24. What was the best book you read?
I wasted most of my reading on the Twilight series. Barf.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
That my stupid Ipod is broken.
26. What did you want and get?
A flat screen TV.
27. What did you want and not get?
Sales in my Etsy shop.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Avatar.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 42 and spent the day at Diseyland with my best 2 boys. It was hot as Satan's asshole but we had a great time.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Figuring myself out.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Comfort.
32. What kept you sane?
Being at home.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
California not overturning the stupid, unconsitutional Prop 8. Shame on you, CA.
35. Who did you miss?
Myself.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I got friendly with a woman at work who's totally kick-ass. Unfortunately we discovered how much we liked each other way too late since now I'm gone.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
That I have more control over the outcomes in my life than I thought.
Just dance, Gonna be okay. Da-da-doo-doo-mmm
Friday, July 10, 2009
Hello again
Have you ever followed a blog then the writer just up and disappears with no explanation and you check back a few times and think to yourself wtf happened to that person?
Are they dead?
Had a baby?
Move to Paraguay?
Living in a van down by the river?
Kidnapped by a cabbage worshipping cult?
Get married?
Get divorced?
Dabble in the dark-sided?
Unfortunate gardening accident?
Self-combusted?
Became a David Hasslehoff groupie?
Swinging on a pole in Pocatello, Idaho?
Bear attack?
Chained to a tree for political reasons?
Chained to a tree for non-political reasons?
Having a medical "procedure" in Sweden?
Counseling Tyra Banks on how to be even more fierce?
Bacon coma?
Creative block?
Lazy?
Hazy?
Crazy?
Yea. Me too.
Are they dead?
Had a baby?
Move to Paraguay?
Living in a van down by the river?
Kidnapped by a cabbage worshipping cult?
Get married?
Get divorced?
Dabble in the dark-sided?
Unfortunate gardening accident?
Self-combusted?
Became a David Hasslehoff groupie?
Swinging on a pole in Pocatello, Idaho?
Bear attack?
Chained to a tree for political reasons?
Chained to a tree for non-political reasons?
Having a medical "procedure" in Sweden?
Counseling Tyra Banks on how to be even more fierce?
Bacon coma?
Creative block?
Lazy?
Hazy?
Crazy?
Yea. Me too.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wrap it up
Our holiday was nice, but busy, and half filled with stress as we entertained whitey's mom for 5 days. You know how it goes...It wasn't the crushing spectacular crap of last year but we still fantasize about having the kind of vacation/staycation we dream about. Just the two of us, a giant bottle of Vodka and nothing to do but whatever we want. Someday.
I'm not making that sound very good but really, we had a fun time. There were plenty of laughs and killer bloody Cesar's, we're all still breathing in-and-out (which is a plus), and grateful for what we have. There are a lot of plans for 2009 and I'm looking forward to taking care of the things I have the power to take care of. In the meantime, here's a wrap-up of my year borrowed from the lovely Sundry.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Photographed two weddings. I'd add "and lost my mind doing it" but only the photographing part hadn't been done before.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't. I didn't even write anything down last year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Only to a few dozen cows.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no. The 2 previous years were too full of that crap.
5. What countries did you visit?
Fantasyland, Frontierland, Tomorrowland, and Adventureland.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Decent health.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 5th - the day I broke my arm.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Being the bigger person and repairing the relationship with my mother - and sticking to my guns on how visits will go from now on. Short and sweet. Even if it causes me a little pain that time is short with my elderly father - I'm proud of the way I've handled things and did what was best for me.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not losing this fucking weight.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes - on a daily freaking basis! Actually, things health-wise got worse this year and I plan on trying to fix what I can and brave my way through icky shit I'll be facing after the 1st. Darnit.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A tie between my car and new washer/dryer combo. Getting those in the same month wasn't the brightest move, though.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Target and doctors.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I don't think I got thrice excited about anything but our trip to San Fran in Feb jazzed me up quite a bit.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Disturbia.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder?b) thinner or fatter?c) richer or poorer?
If we're talking about the exact date - things are better, way way better, but I've gone a few steps backwards with most of those - a bit sadder, a bit fatter and a lot poorer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercised.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Ate junk food.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with family and friends.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fall more in love with my boyfriend every year.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Oh - there are so many. I'd have to say True Blood or Dexter since they were both new to me this year.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Oh, sure. I'm a bitch like that. Although I don't use the word hate often.
24. What was the best book you read?
Water for Elephants - incredible!
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I'm not a music junkie.
26. What did you want and get?
A new(ish) car.
27. What did you want and not get?
To sell my house and move. :(
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Ironman.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a lovely day playing hookie from work, went to the barn and rode my favorite horse, had lunch with friends, a little shopping, then a nice sushi dinner at home with my love. 41 was awesome.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Really getting my shit together and stop acting like I'm a damn teenager who can treat her body however she wants filling it with junk, not getting enough sleep, etc. It's ridiculous. If I could make better decision so I can feel better I'd be extremely satisfied, I'm sure.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Concept? Like did I invent a pulley system for my tits? I didn't do anything new except find the best hair care products ever.
32. What kept you sane?
Being at home. It's my haven.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have the warm fuzzies for a lot of people, men and women, but I'd have to say Robert Downey Jr. gets my vote for most awesomest. He walked through the fire and came out the other side full of win! I hope he keeps rocking the shit out of Hollywood for a long, long time.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Jesus, do I even need to mention it? The whole fucking year was about politics but I'd have to say watching California take a GIANT shit with Prop 8 was devastating. Hopefully that discriminating, unconstitutional bullshit measure will be overturned this year. Equality for all!!
35. Who did you miss?
K. and her mom, D.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I can't think of anyone.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
That my mother will always treat me differently than my brother and it's her problem, not mine. There's nothing I can do about it so stop fighting it. Stop feeling terribly about it. I have a lot more control over things than I though.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
She drives me crazy
Like no one else
She drives me crazy
And I can't help myself
And a bonus 39 by me - What do you continue to hold true?
I'm grateful for every breath I take. Despite my challenges I will continue to live my life to the fullest possible, I love life.
See you all next year!
I'm not making that sound very good but really, we had a fun time. There were plenty of laughs and killer bloody Cesar's, we're all still breathing in-and-out (which is a plus), and grateful for what we have. There are a lot of plans for 2009 and I'm looking forward to taking care of the things I have the power to take care of. In the meantime, here's a wrap-up of my year borrowed from the lovely Sundry.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and will be enjoying a happy and safe New Year. Since whitey and I are cranky jerks we'll be spending the evening enjoying some Japanese food (sushi for me, Kobe beef for the wuss him) and just relaxing at the house safe from drunk drivers, cover fees and annoying people. Woot! It's just the way we like it!
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Photographed two weddings. I'd add "and lost my mind doing it" but only the photographing part hadn't been done before.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't. I didn't even write anything down last year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Only to a few dozen cows.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no. The 2 previous years were too full of that crap.
5. What countries did you visit?
Fantasyland, Frontierland, Tomorrowland, and Adventureland.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Decent health.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 5th - the day I broke my arm.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Being the bigger person and repairing the relationship with my mother - and sticking to my guns on how visits will go from now on. Short and sweet. Even if it causes me a little pain that time is short with my elderly father - I'm proud of the way I've handled things and did what was best for me.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not losing this fucking weight.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes - on a daily freaking basis! Actually, things health-wise got worse this year and I plan on trying to fix what I can and brave my way through icky shit I'll be facing after the 1st. Darnit.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A tie between my car and new washer/dryer combo. Getting those in the same month wasn't the brightest move, though.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Target and doctors.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I don't think I got thrice excited about anything but our trip to San Fran in Feb jazzed me up quite a bit.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Disturbia.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder?b) thinner or fatter?c) richer or poorer?
If we're talking about the exact date - things are better, way way better, but I've gone a few steps backwards with most of those - a bit sadder, a bit fatter and a lot poorer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercised.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Ate junk food.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with family and friends.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fall more in love with my boyfriend every year.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Oh - there are so many. I'd have to say True Blood or Dexter since they were both new to me this year.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Oh, sure. I'm a bitch like that. Although I don't use the word hate often.
24. What was the best book you read?
Water for Elephants - incredible!
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I'm not a music junkie.
26. What did you want and get?
A new(ish) car.
27. What did you want and not get?
To sell my house and move. :(
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Ironman.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a lovely day playing hookie from work, went to the barn and rode my favorite horse, had lunch with friends, a little shopping, then a nice sushi dinner at home with my love. 41 was awesome.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Really getting my shit together and stop acting like I'm a damn teenager who can treat her body however she wants filling it with junk, not getting enough sleep, etc. It's ridiculous. If I could make better decision so I can feel better I'd be extremely satisfied, I'm sure.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Concept? Like did I invent a pulley system for my tits? I didn't do anything new except find the best hair care products ever.
32. What kept you sane?
Being at home. It's my haven.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have the warm fuzzies for a lot of people, men and women, but I'd have to say Robert Downey Jr. gets my vote for most awesomest. He walked through the fire and came out the other side full of win! I hope he keeps rocking the shit out of Hollywood for a long, long time.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Jesus, do I even need to mention it? The whole fucking year was about politics but I'd have to say watching California take a GIANT shit with Prop 8 was devastating. Hopefully that discriminating, unconstitutional bullshit measure will be overturned this year. Equality for all!!
35. Who did you miss?
K. and her mom, D.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I can't think of anyone.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
That my mother will always treat me differently than my brother and it's her problem, not mine. There's nothing I can do about it so stop fighting it. Stop feeling terribly about it. I have a lot more control over things than I though.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
She drives me crazy
Like no one else
She drives me crazy
And I can't help myself
And a bonus 39 by me - What do you continue to hold true?
I'm grateful for every breath I take. Despite my challenges I will continue to live my life to the fullest possible, I love life.
See you all next year!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Observations
There's something incredibly creepy about a funeral home radio advert that wishes you a (emphasis on this word) safe holiday season. Is that like reverse psychology or something? I remain suspicious.
It's pointless to argue with a sonogram tech over the insanely stupid amount of required water newly filling into your bladder mere minutes after you were praised for said amount of water being "just perfect" but is now "too much" because one cannot be expected to get up and use the restroom "every 10 minutes" when the calmly bitchy tech has an 8 inch vag cam shoved into your nancy. She really holds the cards at that point.
It's pointless to argue with a sonogram tech over the insanely stupid amount of required water newly filling into your bladder mere minutes after you were praised for said amount of water being "just perfect" but is now "too much" because one cannot be expected to get up and use the restroom "every 10 minutes" when the calmly bitchy tech has an 8 inch vag cam shoved into your nancy. She really holds the cards at that point.
I'd really like to develop a game of Walmart Bingo. The squares would consist of things/species/odors you will undoubtedly experience whens shopping there. Chances to win increase on Saturday afternoons. Things like wailing child, missing teeth, fart cloud, surly employee, mystery stain, fat ass blocking aisle, pile of broken glass, shoplifted item/empty carton, police car parked outside, and receipt error.
All U.S. Postal Service workers are assholes.
Yes. All.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Day 30
Daily posting for the month of November has come to an end. It wasn't that hard this year. I really didn't stress about it. I'm sure there are quite a few crap entries but at least I didn't give up or get all bent out of shape trying to be perfect cause we all know there's no such thing and perfectionism leads to inevitable failure which leads to bad feelings which lead to eating mass quantities of chocolate and the eating of chocolate should always be for a happy reason. Well, unless your mother is involved then pound away.
We're also winding down to the close of another year and with Thanksgiving being all stupidly late it feels like Christmas and New Years will be here in fricken blink and how the fuck am I suppose to redecorate the entire house before my boyfriend's mother gets here when I only have like 2 gawd damn days? I'd like to write a terse letter to whoever decides that shit.
In the meantime, I will keep working on not getting stressed out and taking the time to have fun, pay attention to the right things and reflect on the year. And if that involves large glasses of wine then so be it. As long as I'm not driving or throwing air punches at old ladies cutting in my Target line then it's A. O. K. Friends don't let friends drink and shop.
And even though we have another whole 30 days until the the calender turns over to 2009 I'm going to issue a challenge now since I think it takes some practice to get this right. I want you to be nicer to yourself. Take some time to pay attention to how you treat yourself and what your inner voice sounds like.
Does she sound like a nasty teenage girl cutting you down every chance she gets? Is it a viscous guy tearing you apart because you don't look like an airbrushed, anorexic model straddling seatless bike on the cover of Maxim? Do you tell yourself things you wouldn't up with from anyone? Are you nice to yourself?
Now, before you start to think, jesus h., she's given up the bitter for benevolent don't' worry, I'm still a crusty crank and always will be but I've had it up to "here" with beating my own self up for shit I can't change or letting myself either wallow in the boo-hoo's for the things that will be hard to change or sticking my lovely face in the sand and ignoring stuff all-together and it's time to stop that.
That's not saying that there are certainly times when existing on auto-pilot isn't OK and extremely justified. There is nothing wrong with that, it's part of self-preservation and I support it whole-heartedly. It's the letting that turn into crap habits that is the problem. So, here's the deal, my own personal goal,and challenge for anyone else out there wanting to change some undesirable factor in your life is to adopt a simple word, a pledge, a mantra.
Enough.
That's it. That's all you have to do. Be it out loud, whispered quietly, in your own mind, or shouted from the rooftops just say that tiny six lettered word. Enough.
Say it to stop the bullet train of negative thoughts in your head. The next time you're tearing yourself apart for having a fat belly, crows feat, hammer toes, tell yourself "ENOUGH". If you want to lose that fat belly then after the 20th m-n-m you're shoving into your maw say enough.
If you're in a relationship that sucks the soul out of you, is harmful, wrong or dangerous, resolve that it's enough and make the right moves to change it. Know without a doubt that if anyone ever tries to tell you that you aren't enough, you tell yourself you are. Fuck that, of course you are. If some asshole doesn't see it then that's their problem, not yours. Enough!
Have a shitty person in your life that constantly brings you down? Enough! Reaching for that last tequila shot that will cause your panties to drop and a day worth of puking ahead? Enough. Been in that crap-ass job for far too long and hear yourself complaining endlessly? Killing yourself trying to be perfect? Do you think you're not worthy unless something else wants you? Well, let me tell you, you are. Enough.
Spent way to long laying on that couch wallowing in self-pity, self-doubt, self-loathing, self-absorption? Tired of being a zombie living a half-life, dragging around the past like a ball-and-chain? Are you so over being weighed down by regret and flesh and ghosts of the past? That's enough, babe. Enough.
You are enough.
Now go buy yourself something pretty!
We're also winding down to the close of another year and with Thanksgiving being all stupidly late it feels like Christmas and New Years will be here in fricken blink and how the fuck am I suppose to redecorate the entire house before my boyfriend's mother gets here when I only have like 2 gawd damn days? I'd like to write a terse letter to whoever decides that shit.
In the meantime, I will keep working on not getting stressed out and taking the time to have fun, pay attention to the right things and reflect on the year. And if that involves large glasses of wine then so be it. As long as I'm not driving or throwing air punches at old ladies cutting in my Target line then it's A. O. K. Friends don't let friends drink and shop.
And even though we have another whole 30 days until the the calender turns over to 2009 I'm going to issue a challenge now since I think it takes some practice to get this right. I want you to be nicer to yourself. Take some time to pay attention to how you treat yourself and what your inner voice sounds like.
Does she sound like a nasty teenage girl cutting you down every chance she gets? Is it a viscous guy tearing you apart because you don't look like an airbrushed, anorexic model straddling seatless bike on the cover of Maxim? Do you tell yourself things you wouldn't up with from anyone? Are you nice to yourself?
Now, before you start to think, jesus h., she's given up the bitter for benevolent don't' worry, I'm still a crusty crank and always will be but I've had it up to "here" with beating my own self up for shit I can't change or letting myself either wallow in the boo-hoo's for the things that will be hard to change or sticking my lovely face in the sand and ignoring stuff all-together and it's time to stop that.
That's not saying that there are certainly times when existing on auto-pilot isn't OK and extremely justified. There is nothing wrong with that, it's part of self-preservation and I support it whole-heartedly. It's the letting that turn into crap habits that is the problem. So, here's the deal, my own personal goal,and challenge for anyone else out there wanting to change some undesirable factor in your life is to adopt a simple word, a pledge, a mantra.
Enough.
That's it. That's all you have to do. Be it out loud, whispered quietly, in your own mind, or shouted from the rooftops just say that tiny six lettered word. Enough.
Say it to stop the bullet train of negative thoughts in your head. The next time you're tearing yourself apart for having a fat belly, crows feat, hammer toes, tell yourself "ENOUGH". If you want to lose that fat belly then after the 20th m-n-m you're shoving into your maw say enough.
If you're in a relationship that sucks the soul out of you, is harmful, wrong or dangerous, resolve that it's enough and make the right moves to change it. Know without a doubt that if anyone ever tries to tell you that you aren't enough, you tell yourself you are. Fuck that, of course you are. If some asshole doesn't see it then that's their problem, not yours. Enough!
Have a shitty person in your life that constantly brings you down? Enough! Reaching for that last tequila shot that will cause your panties to drop and a day worth of puking ahead? Enough. Been in that crap-ass job for far too long and hear yourself complaining endlessly? Killing yourself trying to be perfect? Do you think you're not worthy unless something else wants you? Well, let me tell you, you are. Enough.
Spent way to long laying on that couch wallowing in self-pity, self-doubt, self-loathing, self-absorption? Tired of being a zombie living a half-life, dragging around the past like a ball-and-chain? Are you so over being weighed down by regret and flesh and ghosts of the past? That's enough, babe. Enough.
You are enough.
Now go buy yourself something pretty!
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